"[C]ritics Casey Deeha, Chipp Oatlay, Sal Savirdy and 'El Presidente Mole' promise to provide 'not merely a description of burritos, but a more writerly experience that gives the attention to burritos that they deserve.' Yep. You heard it here, folks. - Jay Barmann, SF Grubfest
"[Casey Deeha] also thinks it could be a matter of cultural heritage and sense of place why a Mission-style burrito is thought to taste the best in San Francisco." - Tamara Palmer, Zagat
"Bay Area Review of Burritos -a must read for anyone remotely interested in foil-wrapped tube food" - Kevin Montgomery, Up Town Almanac
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Baja Fresh, California Blvd., Walnut Creek
Written by Casey Deeha
Let's speak candidly shall we - BARB (Bay Area Review of Burritos) hasn't been too kind to Walnut Creek, and that's not necessarily impartial reviewing is it? In fact, I would say the reviews have been quite biased against Walnut Creek.... let's recap: with Cinco De Mayo, I recreated a pseudo stream-of-consciousness piece where the French triumphed in the state of Puebla against the Mexican army to suggest the failure of the taqueria to not only deliver a quality burrito, but also to name itself properly; Sal Savirdy referred to Mi Casa as a 'kiwi fruit' to escape the 'nylon youth fashion,' 'perpetual soundtrack of sports car engine throttle,' and 'moderately expensive perfume' of Walnut Creek; while Chipp Oatlay expressed his frustration at the 'stupid no-left-turn-even-though-there-is-no-median-and-two-fucking-lanes-to-turn-into, retails shops' and the act of 'trying to find parking within 5 blocks of Peete's Coffee'. That's not very nice is it...
Let's be fair shall we...Let's be - nice.
Allow me to use the most common denominators of metaphors within a burrito blog - the burrito. Now, let us walk languidly to Baja Fresh Mexican Grill on California Blvd. - this is an imaginary walk... stay with me on this. It is warm, the sun shines - the sidewalks are flawless. Everywhere I look, nice happy people sit calmly eating. This. Is. Nice. No graffiti - no trash - no smoking - no personality no... I didn't say that. I hear the piped music of Broadway Plaza in the distance, which gives a comfortable sense of consumerism.
I come across Baja Fresh - a very nice, clean and flawless place as if Ikea made a taqueria - Ikead and swept bare for cleanliness and happiness.... clean and happy. Say it with me - clean and happy... Caleen and haapeee. Everyone. Looks. Soooooooooooo. Nice.
There are pretty pictures on the wall.
There are warm and comfortable colors with minimalist pictures on the wall.
There's a single, solitary white pole - very nice.
I walk in - with a smile on my face because everyone greets me with a smile, so I give them a smile back to have a smiley happiness of cleanliness and smileness. There's a doctor in his scrubs having what looks like a burrito bowl. He smiles. I smile and then turn to the smiley character standing behind the register. I choose a 'Burrito Ultimo'. I am in for a treat for it's the 'Ultimate Burrito' - it must be good for Walnut Creek has lead me here so pleasantly amongst niceness, cleanliness and smiles. I wait - not too long for I - am - in - utopia. The man gives me the burrito. I smile. He smiles.
We all smile.
I let out an exhale of happiness, sit down and take heed that there is a doctor sitting next to me, waiting to save my life like a happy Walnut Creek angel. I gaze at my burrito - it is tidy, neat, clean and happy. The exterior shows flawlessness. I take a bite...mmmmmm.... I feel safe. It. Is. A. Burrito. I think to myself - think what is that - I think - no stop thinking - I can't help but think... I'm thinking... no. Yes. No. Yes. Oh fuck it, I think and I must for the review is going too long and surely the readers down't want to read a fucking short story. It's corroded inside - bland - with nothing - nothingness. Hell this metaphor is more poignant than a fucking onion. Go ahead tear back the tortilla that has what Baja Fresh calls 'Grilled veggies, freshly made Salsa Baja™, Jack & cheddar cheese, Baja rice & sour cream wrapped in a warm flour tortilla with your favorite protein' - my favorite what!? What the fuck? The doctor looking at me and there is nothingness in my hand.
I smile. I am clean and nice and happy.
Fuck you doctor! Fuck this burrito. Fuck the cleanliness... Argggh...
Mmmm... that was a nice, clean and - what's the word... happy. Yes. Happy burrito.
I love Walnut Creek. Bye doctor, bye smiley people.
Fairness at last.
Salsa Rating: N.I.C.E. Salsa.