Baja Fresh, California Blvd., Walnut Creek

Written by Casey Deeha

Let's speak candidly shall we - BARB (Bay Area Review of Burritos) hasn't been too kind to Walnut Creek, and that's not necessarily impartial reviewing is it? In fact, I would say the reviews have been quite biased against Walnut Creek.... let's recap: with Cinco De Mayo, I recreated a pseudo stream-of-consciousness piece where the French triumphed in the state of Puebla against the Mexican army to suggest the failure of the taqueria to not only deliver a quality burrito, but also to name itself properly; Sal Savirdy referred to Mi Casa as a 'kiwi fruit' to escape the 'nylon youth fashion,' 'perpetual soundtrack of sports car engine throttle,' and 'moderately expensive perfume' of Walnut Creek; while Chipp Oatlay expressed his frustration at the 'stupid no-left-turn-even-though-there-is-no-median-and-two-fucking-lanes-to-turn-into, retails shops' and the act of 'trying to find parking within 5 blocks of Peete's Coffee'. That's not very nice is it...

Let's be fair shall we...Let's be - nice.

Allow me to use the most common denominators of metaphors within a burrito blog - the burrito. Now, let us walk languidly to Baja Fresh Mexican Grill on California Blvd. - this is an imaginary walk... stay with me on this. It is warm, the sun shines - the       sidewalks      are      flawless. Everywhere I look, nice happy people sit     calmly    eating. This. Is. Nice. No graffiti - no trash - no smoking - no personality no... I didn't say that. I hear the piped music of Broadway Plaza in the distance, which gives a comfortable sense of consumerism.

I come across Baja Fresh - a very nice, clean and flawless place as if Ikea made a taqueria - Ikead and swept bare for cleanliness and happiness.... clean and happy. Say it with me - clean and happy... Caleen and haapeee. Everyone. Looks. Soooooooooooo. Nice.

There are pretty pictures on the wall.

Very nice.

There are warm and comfortable colors with minimalist pictures on the wall.

Very nice.

There's a single, solitary white pole - very nice.

I walk in - with a smile on my face because everyone greets me with a smile, so I give them a smile back to have a smiley happiness of cleanliness and smileness. There's a doctor in his scrubs having what looks like a burrito bowl. He smiles. I smile and then turn to the smiley character standing behind the register. I choose a 'Burrito Ultimo'. I am in for a treat for it's the 'Ultimate Burrito' - it must be good for Walnut Creek has lead me here so pleasantly amongst niceness, cleanliness and smiles. I wait - not too long for I - am - in - utopia. The man gives me the burrito. I smile. He smiles.

We all smile.

I let out an exhale of happiness, sit down and take heed that there is a doctor sitting next to me, waiting to save my life like a happy Walnut Creek angel. I gaze at my burrito - it is tidy, neat, clean and happy. The exterior shows flawlessness. I take a  bite...mmmmmm.... I feel safe. It. Is. A. Burrito. I think to myself - think what is that - I think - no stop thinking - I can't help but think... I'm thinking... no. Yes. No. Yes. Oh fuck it, I think and I must for the review is going too long and surely the readers down't want to read a fucking short story. It's corroded inside - bland - with nothing - nothingness. Hell this metaphor is more poignant than a fucking onion. Go ahead tear back the tortilla that has what Baja Fresh calls 'Grilled veggies, freshly made Salsa Baja™, Jack & cheddar cheese, Baja rice & sour cream wrapped in a warm flour tortilla with your favorite protein' - my favorite what!? What the fuck? The doctor looking at me and there is nothingness in my hand.

I smile. I am clean and nice and happy.

Fuck you doctor! Fuck this burrito. Fuck the cleanliness... Argggh... 

Mmmm... that was a nice, clean and - what's the word... happy. Yes. Happy  burrito.

I love Walnut Creek. Bye doctor, bye smiley people.

Fairness at last.

Salsa Rating: N.I.C.E. Salsa.